Peoria IL Boudoir Photographer, Chicago, Quad Cities | Undressed

What does she have that I don’t?

We all have been there, in a room full of people and in walks this woman.  All she did was walk into the room and all eyes go immediately to her.  You look at her and then you look at yourself….you’re dressed just as nicely.  As good as her hair looks, your hair may even be better than hers!  Yet she grabbed everyone’s attention, almost everyone in the room is going up to chat with her.  You can’t help but to think to yourself, “What does she have that I don’t? How did she do that?”  Well I will tell you….she may have the look, she may have the walk, but most of all, she has confidence.  We may not know what or where her confidence stems from just by first glance, but ohhhh she’s got IT.  I think there are a few areas we pull confidence from: Financial confidence, confidence in the knowledge we have, confidence in our appearance, spiritual confidence, and confidence from learning to believing in ourselves through the things we have accomplished.

We all have had moments in time where we were so confident in ourselves that we feel as though we could fly if we wanted to….but then something happens.  Something shakes us to the core and then the confidence just goes away more quickly than it came. What was it that put you on that high, and more importantly, how do you get it back?

I’m a big believer in the principle that you teach people how to treat you. I also believe that your confidence should not come from someone else, that it should come from your own self.

Have you ever had something on and think it doesn’t look that great on you? So you ask your friends or your poor hubby how it looks? No matter what they say to you, it no longer matters at that point, you already have self doubt.

As women it can be very hard to have confidence in ourselves, mainly because we are always trying so hard to do our best, and we often second guess what we do and who we are because of it. We put such high expectations on ourselves.  It’s like we have this nagging little voice in our heads that is almost always there to tell us that maybe you’re not the best, maybe you should have done this or that better. Maybe you should not have grounded your teenager, maybe you should not have taken much needed time to relax when the laundry needed to be done for your family.  Maybe you should not have asked your boss for that raise; after all you had to leave early last month on Friday to go to a school event.  Maybe, just maybe you should spend more time with the family verses working on that deadline.  Ohhhhh the list of maybes that float in our minds can without a doubt be a long one. After a while, trying to always be the best and always wondering if you did something right starts to wear on our own self confidence. It’s inevitable that this kind of thinking will wear us down mentally and emotionally, thus creating a huge trap door for that confidence we want and need.

So what are we to do when our confidence level falls through that trap door?  I know for some we try to get reassured by someone else. That seems to be the natural reaction.  We all do this….but then quickly we find that did not help much at all, it’s only a bandaid. Sure, assurance from others is always nice, but ultimately it means nothing to us if we can’t generate that same feeling without the contribution of someone else.  What are we going to do if one day that special someone isn’t around for that inner pick me up we desperately need? Confidence created by someone else is only temporary. Self confidence can be generated at any time, any day, with no influence from someone else.  Only you have the power to give self confidence to yourself.

I say this as a woman that two years ago, was full of self confidence. I was beginning my journey in photography, I was at a weight I was comfortable with, I was happy with how I looked, happy with how I was handling being a full time business owner and running my household. I was full of self confidence as a new photographer, as a mom, and as a woman. But then something happened and over time, somehow my confidence started to fade. Not because of someone or something, but because I started second guessing myself all the time, from photography to family and my relationships with my friends. At the same time I started paying less and less attention to the little things that I love for myself. I’m not by far a prissy lady nor do I think I have to look a certain way for society, nor do I think I need to act, walk, or talk like society says I have to. But one of the little things I neglected was me, and how I treat myself all the way from learning my professional craft to what I had in hanging my closet.

Recently I was on a shopping trip, which was long over due. I don’t shop often, after all I’m a mom, right? The kids get new clothes way before I do.  That’s how it is, and I never complain about that, in fact, I’m honored to put them first. But, I was in great need of some new clothes. I got a few new shirts, of course I put some back solely based on price, cuz I thought I looked SO good in them, I just couldn’t justify the cost.  LOL. I saw a pair of earrings that I fell in love with, but they were $18.00 (I know that’s not really expensive LOL).  I really didn’t want to spend that for earrings on myself, if it was for one of the kids or something for my man I would have not have even blinked. I went to put them back, and my mangrabbed them and said you are getting these! Reluctantly we got them, but didn’t want to because of all of the other stuff I was getting. I wore them the other day… I LOVE THEM.  It’s funny but when I had them on I felt so cute which in turn gave me a little boost in my own self confidence. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that money buys things which will make you happy, or to go be nothing but vain! What I am saying is that sometimes as a mom and as a woman we sometimes need to do those little things that help boost our own confidence.  Whether it be taking a little time to read up on a subject that everyone seems to understand and know about that you don’t, paint your toe nails even though it’s winter,  take a little more time getting ready for the day, or go for the run or walk you and your friends have been trying to schedule.  Whatever that may be, take a few minutes to rejuvenate yourself.  Take a few minutes in the mirror and tell yourself I’m doing what I can, I am the best I can be! Do what you can to not let those self doubts creep in!  Pay attention to YOU!

You are the only one that can do the little things that will give YOU confidence, you alone. Not your friends, not your boss , not your spouse.

Over time, not second guessing yourself, doing what you need to do for your career, your family, your friends, and most importantly yourself, you can and will be that woman that walks in with invaluable self confidence.

When you have self confidence you’re less likely to allow your man to treat you poorly, you’re less likely to allow your kids to defy you, you are less likely to get run over and used by friends and coworkers.

Next time you’re around people stand up straight, pull your shoulders back, head high make eye contact and smile.  Tell yourself “I GOT THIS.”  And if you must,  go buy yourself a pair of cute new earrings

I started boudoir photography for many personal reasons. Some of these reasons I talk about more than others, but there are many nonetheless.

As a young child I was bigger. Not obese, but bigger. In 5th grade I was a size D in my chest and my woman figure was already developing in full swing.
Before I was 10 my mom put me on diets. She was always talking to me about the new ways to be slimmer. She was skinny, and so was my younger sister. My mom would exercise with me, telling me how much this would help me. Again, I was chunky, not obese . I wanted to look better even at a young age. It was instilled into me that how I looked meant everything! I recall many statements made to me during this time in my life, but one particular one sticks out to me to this very day. My mom to another person: “I have one daughter that eats to live and another that only lives to eat”. WAMMMMM!

I was trying so hard and it did not matter. All I needed to do was lose 10-15 lbs and then they would be happy! No one cared about my art class that I was excelling, in no one asked to see my new work. It was always, “What did you eat today?”

Fast forward to when I was 25. I finally lost the weight from having babies. YAY me! Unfortunately I was already left with the scars of being over weight, and what was perceived as not HOT by society.

This is NOT a post for the poor, pitiful me. In fact, I’m happy I had these life experiences! Even as a young girl I knew I wanted to help shape the world I live in! SO how am I doing that? Enter the world of Undressed!

I truly believe EVERY WOMAN is beautiful no matter what! I believe it so much it honestly hurts me when I see other women devaluing other women. Sometimes they do it without even knowing they are part of the problem! I say this because of a recent online conversation I was involved in. At our studio we are very active in the photography community and participate in several online photography forums. There was a post about photographing a woman that happened to have stretch marks from pregnancy. It was the popular opinion that they need to be photoshopped out..( Why? Because they are not attractive. The instant fix was take the marks out. I was in disbelief as to what other WOMEN were saying. The comment that sticks out to me the most was: “BYE BYE two piece swimming suits.” WHAT?!?! How about this? Women embrace the fact that you are not perfect! How about being happy you did an amazing thing by bringing life into this world. And how about this to photographers: make your client look amazing just the way they are! If you do not have the skill learn it! How about not always relying on photo editing to take out what you think will make the image look better? Maybe starting with great lighting, great poses, and seeing the true beauty of the REAL WOMAN you are photographing! Show your clients how perfectly imperfect they are!

WOMEN stop thinking you need to be airbrushed to be beautiful! Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to be a certain size! Teach your daughters and your sons that it is ok to be real! Teach ourselves to believe that too!

Will I minimize the appearance of stretch marks? YEP. But only after I have done my job right in the first place! And, only if you ask me to. When? After you at least see how beautiful you are in the images before any additional work is done on them.